he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
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he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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