Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
