if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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