I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
