I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
