Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
