When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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