We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
worst night to have a conscience
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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