just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
