Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
