he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
