just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
