goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
