i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
