I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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