yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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