You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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