Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
