It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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