how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
