So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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