I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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