I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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