How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
