Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The air was thick with penises
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
