It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
