I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
