So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
