Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
