Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
