I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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