So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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