Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
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Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
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If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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