The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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