I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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