but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
