omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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