You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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