dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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