party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
