so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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