by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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