We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...