he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
