Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We were destined to go to rehab together
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.