Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.

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  (503): Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck. http://tfl.nu/nubl
  Replies (11) Good night (787) Bad night (1508)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.

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  (845): I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred. http://tfl.nu/ocgs
  Replies (11) Good night (1154) Bad night (2053)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.

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  (407): He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat. http://tfl.nu/lz98
  Replies (12) Good night (3762) Bad night (1016)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.

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  (757): ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work. http://tfl.nu/i4i5
  Replies (13) Good night (1138) Bad night (3884)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for

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  (440): Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for http://tfl.nu/xrwv
  Replies (12) Good night (4820) Bad night (661)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.

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  (612): I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement. http://tfl.nu/3cr8
  Replies (27) Good night (5865) Bad night (934)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?

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  (850): when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children? http://tfl.nu/iefn
  Replies (26) Good night (1373) Bad night (6115)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.

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  (720): I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group. http://tfl.nu/a06b
  Replies (7) Good night (5620) Bad night (898)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  bc i get to see you. naked.

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  (203): are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid? (203): bc i get to see you. naked. http://tfl.nu/db7h
  Replies (24) Good night (8453) Bad night (1532)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.

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  (309): It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise. http://tfl.nu/xykk
  Replies (5) Good night (2126) Bad night (1264)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?

  (516): View more from New York

  lol... you weighed it?

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  (631): Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night? (516): lol... you weighed it? http://tfl.nu/fdcm
  Replies (11) Good night (4165) Bad night (910)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden

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  (201): we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden http://tfl.nu/jtve
  Replies (4) Good night (1037) Bad night (558)
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  (909): View more from California

  I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.

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  (909): I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting. http://tfl.nu/6xjr
  Replies (2) Good night (740) Bad night (482)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.

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  (404): I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/w6a6
  Replies (2) Good night (403) Bad night (527)
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  (858): View more from California

  I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild

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  (858): I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild http://tfl.nu/cajq
  Replies (1) Good night (526) Bad night (274)

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