if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS