Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY