Texts From Last Night

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.

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  (678): If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now. http://tfl.nu/3dz4
  Replies (27) Good night (557) Bad night (3937)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class

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  (785): a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class http://tfl.nu/uh5h
  Replies (26) Good night (4610) Bad night (961)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof

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  (913): Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof http://tfl.nu/58vn
  Replies (8) Good night (5132) Bad night (992)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.

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  (207): I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat. http://tfl.nu/i3fj
  Replies (6) Good night (2496) Bad night (1503)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas

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  (209): Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas http://tfl.nu/u2nh
  Replies (11) Good night (3148) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla

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  (805): Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla http://tfl.nu/wlr8
  Replies (9) Good night (2102) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.

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  (949): I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door. http://tfl.nu/w7kk
  Replies (14) Good night (3970) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?

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  (269): He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated? http://tfl.nu/6x14
  Replies (16) Good night (930) Bad night (3738)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.

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  (501): I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II. http://tfl.nu/1v38
  Replies (4) Good night (1014) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness

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  (917): he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness http://tfl.nu/2dob
  Replies (2) Good night (478) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?

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  (512): I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high? http://tfl.nu/rga0
  Replies (3) Good night (834) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  Mother of the Year

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  (720): We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach. (1-720): Mother of the Year http://tfl.nu/ysx6
  Replies (5) Good night (650) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.

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  (423): Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days. http://tfl.nu/aq3h
  Replies (3) Good night (912) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"

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  (502): Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch" http://tfl.nu/4pzk
  Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.

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  (540): He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog. http://tfl.nu/zanv
  Replies (0) Good night (295) Bad night (435)

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