Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."