Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties

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(347): i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties http://tfl.nu/y66a

Replies (16) Good night (1076) Bad night (558)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.

(918): View more from Oklahoma

And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.

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(918): Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted. (918): And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail. http://tfl.nu/06cg

Replies (4) Good night (624) Bad night (1655)
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(310): View more from California

please tell me if i'm home and in my bed

(1-310): View more from California

negative

(310): View more from California

come find me please

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(310): please tell me if i'm home and in my bed (1-310): negative (310): come find me please http://tfl.nu/3ca4

Replies (29) Good night (2307) Bad night (4695)
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(330): View more from Ohio

if i died would you start the facebook group?

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(330): if i died would you start the facebook group? http://tfl.nu/beoo

Replies (27) Good night (4423) Bad night (1208)
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(573): View more from Missouri

I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair

(573): View more from Missouri

Found more tequila

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(573): I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair (573): Found more tequila http://tfl.nu/cg6k

Replies (9) Good night (4661) Bad night (575)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man

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(215): and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man http://tfl.nu/boh9

Replies (11) Good night (4104) Bad night (1573)
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(519): View more from Ontario

You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.

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(519): You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know. http://tfl.nu/dzr5

Replies (15) Good night (6978) Bad night (1179)
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(281): View more from Texas

Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.

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(281): Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment. http://tfl.nu/djy3

Replies (3) Good night (1134) Bad night (2607)
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(703): View more from Virginia

You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.

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(703): You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter. http://tfl.nu/b2tf

Replies (4) Good night (2678) Bad night (861)
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(940): View more from Texas

This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.

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(940): This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying. http://tfl.nu/0zt5

Replies (2) Good night (709) Bad night (1030)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over

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(908): You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over http://tfl.nu/or3u

Replies (2) Good night (2380) Bad night (630)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night

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(443): I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night http://tfl.nu/0wm9

Replies (3) Good night (1466) Bad night (478)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.

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(603): Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon. http://tfl.nu/3aco

Replies (3) Good night (519) Bad night (1211)
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(630): View more from Illinois

and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?

(630): View more from Illinois

only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here

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(630): and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby (1-630): Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted? (630): only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby. (1-630): Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here http://tfl.nu/fcdg

Replies (2) Good night (427) Bad night (430)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.

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(732): When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell. http://tfl.nu/3h5a

Replies (0) Good night (912) Bad night (323)

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