Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
