Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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