she was so not down for the gang bang
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
