What a fucking waste of an outfit
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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