Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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