He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
