dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The air was thick with penises
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
