420 ftw
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
