i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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