The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
