I met the friendliest cop last night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
