I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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