So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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