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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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