i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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