Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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