she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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