sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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