don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
