even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
