I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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