hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
