genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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