how can u be prego again
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
