i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
