i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
