You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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