Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
