I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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