also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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