the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
