One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
