i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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