Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
