your parents love me but you hate me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
